Darkness and Love

**This is dedicated to those dear wonderful friends who stand by me and love me in all my damaged glory. Thank you for always fighting for me, always reaching out your hands, always loving me. I would be lost without you.**

 

Sometimes it surprises me

How the dark fears the light

Mental illness, Fred, Evil, my crazy, my demons

Whatever I choose to call that darkness

That seems to surround and fill me

It’s hackles rise when light draws near

When exposure is imminent

When I am standing up against it

But it doesn’t run

It doesn’t flee in fear as the light approaches

Instead, it rallies it’s strength

Twisting and manipulating

Trying to make me fight the light

To turn the light away

To turn away from the light

Trying to convince me

That the light isn’t real

That all the beautiful faces

Stretching their hands out

To help me step into the light

Are false images

Lies to deceive me

To give me hope

And then just take it away again

My demons claw at me

Whispering in my ear

Reminding me of betrayals in the past

Making up scenarios of betrayals to come

Reminding me that it’s all in my head

And no one wants to deal with that

Pointing out how tired everyone is

Of my drama

My bullshit

My crazy

Picking at my brain

Until I can’t tell the difference

Between the truth and their lies

Occasionally there are people

Who somehow can reach farther

Into the darkness

Whose voices are louder

Than those of my crazy

And sometimes

I am capable of calling out for help

And actually hearing

The voices of those who offer me love

Unattached to any strings

Free from obligation

There is no betrayal possible

Because they offer me no promises

Just love

The one thing I trust the least

The one thing Fred fears the most

Just love

And today I am trying so very hard

To believe that is all I need

And that it is actually available

Even to someone as fucked up as me

Because the darkness always fails

In the face of love

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4 thoughts on “Darkness and Love”

  1. “Reminding me of betrayals in the past
    Making up scenarios of betrayals to come
    Reminding me that it’s all in my head
    And no one wants to deal with that”

    Last night I was thinking of this person and was upset.

    But you know what? Screw her. If she can’t handle your darkness, she doesn’t deserve your light.

    Fuck you, Fred, and the fucking dragon you rode in on. Because Holly belongs to us.

    Liked by 1 person

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