Perception is Reality

Every moment we interact

You are you

Some of you I am closer to than others

Some of you I let in a little more

But for each and every one of you

There is a filter in my head

A filter I do not control well

Despite it clearly being a part of me

I think we can safely say

It’s controlled by Fred

And that filter

It takes everything you say

Everything you do

Everything implied

Everything not implied

Everything you’ve never said

Everything you wouldn’t say

Everything you wouldn’t do

And that little filter crushes it all

Into a smooth little ball

That Fred takes and molds it

And all of a sudden,

There is a mini-you

A marionette you

And Fred holds the strings

And that mini-you lives a whole separate life inside my head

Every horrible thing you would never do

The things you would never say

Each of you has one of these critters in my head

A mini-partner, a mini-boss, mini-friends, mini-family

Some of the mean things you say

Are so believable

And others are so ridiculous

But regardless

I live them

I live every single one of the scenarios

Every horrible thing that is done

I feel it

Every horrible thing that is said

I hear it

And the actions may not feel real

But the feelings do

I know the conversations are not happening

And never did happen

But my heart breaks

Over and over again

I am betrayed

I am abandoned

I am maligned

I am exposed

Someone has hurt me

Someone has betrayed me

Someone has beaten me

Someone has lied to me

Someone has gutted me

I have relapsed

I have given up

I have driven off that cliff

And even when I know

That those mini-yous and the mini-me are not real

That those mini-scenarios are just stories

Stories Fred maliciously creates

I feel as if I’ve been through them

And my heart is battered and torn

And my soul is exhausted

And my ability to trust

Flimsy enough after real life betrayals

Is shredded by the mini-yous

For what is reality?

If we feel it, is it not so?

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