I have these times
When I feel like I can make it
That maybe I’ve found a solution
And though I still struggle
I have hope
And it feels alright.
The problem with these times?
When the darkness comes back
And I start to struggle again
I am scared to say anything
Because everyone loves to hear the positive
They are so fucking happy
When I’m improving
And so I feel like I’m failing them
When I slip
When I can’t see the light
And I can’t even believe it’s really out there
Just out of reach
Waiting for me.
Being more open about my struggles
Means I’m that much more conscious
Of how people are reacting to me
Of when they seem to approve
And when they seem to fade away
Maybe it’s all in my head during those times
Maybe people aren’t disappointed in me
Maybe it’s just that it hurts them to see me hurt
Maybe they just feel helpless too
Which, of course, makes me feel guilty
For I am the cause of that
And that, my friends, is how my brain works
When I’m happy or sad
When I’m hopeful or despairing
That, my friends, is Fred.
Fred is a fucking asshole.