Perhaps

“Wow, you’re chipper today!”

Accompanied by a look of curiosity

And a bit of surprise mixed in.

I laugh and smile,

“Yeah I am!”

But my smile apparently falters

Or I display some other visible sign

For a look of confusion crosses his face

“You seem surprised,

Or is it unsure?”

He’s right, of course,

I am unsure

I’ve been struggling for a while now

More than usual these past couple years

So when I feel good

I’m always a bit skeptical

Am I happy?

Or am I manic?

Might I  just enjoy it this time?

Or am I going to do things I regret?

How bad will the crash be?

This time I feel a bit different, though.

Or, I think I do.

Perhaps it really is ok to just enjoy this moment

And trust that I am where I need to be

And that when the darkness returns

I will be just a little bit stronger than last time

And I will continue to push through it

I will continue to fight

Because I have faith

In the world I’m building around myself

To hold me up

When the demons are tearing me down

In myself and my ability

To trust that I will prevail

In my God

And His love for me.

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