“Wow, you’re chipper today!”
Accompanied by a look of curiosity
And a bit of surprise mixed in.
I laugh and smile,
“Yeah I am!”
But my smile apparently falters
Or I display some other visible sign
For a look of confusion crosses his face
“You seem surprised,
Or is it unsure?”
He’s right, of course,
I am unsure
I’ve been struggling for a while now
More than usual these past couple years
So when I feel good
I’m always a bit skeptical
Am I happy?
Or am I manic?
Might I just enjoy it this time?
Or am I going to do things I regret?
How bad will the crash be?
This time I feel a bit different, though.
Or, I think I do.
Perhaps it really is ok to just enjoy this moment
And trust that I am where I need to be
And that when the darkness returns
I will be just a little bit stronger than last time
And I will continue to push through it
I will continue to fight
Because I have faith
In the world I’m building around myself
To hold me up
When the demons are tearing me down
In myself and my ability
To trust that I will prevail
In my God
And His love for me.